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TISA’s Nail in the Coffin


With the brand new installation of a coffee machine in the TISA cafeteria, many have rejoiced in the fact of free hot chocolate, and have quickly switched their opinions about TISA’s underrated lunch options. What the students of the secondary school fail to realize is that every thing has a price, and it’s not always paid in dollar bills. The coffee machine and the supply of hot chocolate might rip apart the loose fabric that holds TISA together.

Already the first day it arrived it managed to form a line constantly longer then the one for hot lunch. The M1s at the front of the line, my brother included, were experimenting with the different buttons, wasting much milk and getting the rest of the mob angry by waiting. This is just the tip of the iceberg, as all hell will break loose when the machine inevitably breaks, from a button failure or by someone spilling their coffee straight into the circuits. When this happens, the population of TISA’s secondary will be in outrage. The perpetrator will for sure be hunted and burned, but after the realization of the existence of another machine in primary, a series of raids will be held towards TISA’s lower quarters. The primary school children won’t be hard to get by, as they are quite small and will be stepped on. The teachers will be too busy shielding the survivors eye’s from the smelly armpits of the high schoolers to care about the beloved coffee machine. An angry mob of children will mob around the supply of hot chocolate, pushing and shoving their way to the front. No laws apply here anymore, not even the sacred rule of “no cuts, no buts, no coconuts.”

This is all on the assumption that the machine wasn’t stolen instead. In that case, no one will be able to trust even the people closest to them, as they could be hoarding all the sugar to their self. Soon, you begin to get suspicious. You start taking surveillance of the remaining coffee machine, with subtle strides by the area. Maybe, you smell your friend’s breath to make sure they don’t have it. Stealing one’s locker keys to possibly find the culprit. TISA will become a land where the one rule in everyone’s mind will be to trust no one but yourself.

The most frightening thought is not actually when the coffee machine disappears. It is  instead  the thought that the fate of TISA is in the hands of one man, Mr. Carlos. Whichever day he decides to bring back the famed glazed donuts will result in a panic that no teachers yelling, not even Mr. Caskie himself, will be able to stop. Alliances will quickly be formed as the children of TISA compete for the most amount of sugar. Groups will split up with the intention of getting hot chocolate or donuts for their friends. However, the Game of Thrones level betrayals that will take place will likely turn those that were once friends into enemies. At the front of the line for coffee will be those that are still loyal trying to fill six coffee cups. Those people will be pushed to the ground and left to die as the people behind them catch wind of this. At the donut corner, dangerous students will cover their faces to get seconds on donuts, cheating the poor souls who are still pure out of their serving, creating more enemies in the process. What will really take place that fateful day will be a apocalyptic wasteland, filled with wanderers that have a bloodlust, except the bloodlust is for caffeine and high fructose corn syrup instead.

In all seriousness, the M1s will probably be the ones to break the buttons after playing with them too much. Let us hope for at least another two weeks, this gift from Mr. Caskie will still be here, giving us the sugar high we all desperately needed.

by posted under CLASS/TISA NEWS, FOOD | 1 Comment »    
One Comment to

“TISA’s Nail in the Coffin”

  1. April 1st, 2019 at 3:39 pm       rcarnegy Says:


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